Thursday, June 14, 2007

Do we Miss when we Doubt?

Can we ever say: I had a moment of doubt?
An hour of doubt?
A year?
Can doubt ever be measured with science, +1, -1, etc? Can it be associated with terms of positive or negative progression?
Or is doubt simply the loss of time. A state similar to that of “
Ashab el-Kahf” who were left to sleep in the cave as time passed them by, governments replaced another, and currencies changed.
Is being doubtful, in life, like being in a coma?

I stood hesitantly by the bus stop today. The 88. It runs on either side of the street. One side goes to where I am headed, the other goes the exact opposite way. I called up the bus tracker, and the automatic voice said: “88 is arriving, now!”

My heart beats quickened, and though my instincts told me I was on the right side, doubt insisted that I must check what the other sign/side says. I looked around me, and saw no sign of a bus, so I attempted three steps towards the pedestrian crossing. Just then, just when I had my foot ready to cross: voooom!

The wind blew in my face as the bus passed me by. Yes, I was on the right side of the street. How long did I have doubt for? It really mattered not. It seemed like a black out, but when I opened my eyes I knew I have missed out on so much…


AngloGermanicAmerican said...

The skeleton that supports the rest of me contains too few, or perhaps, insufficient “artistic” bones for me to grasp your intended meaning with even the slightest degree of confidence. Nevertheless, recognition of this sad state of affairs is insufficient, in my opinion, to refrain from commenting. So, I will.

My sense is that confidence, while having a greater tendency to result in action, is far more likely to lead to a life which is aptly described as a “coma.” Doubt, or uncertainty, followed by attempts at verification, it seems to me, is more deliberate, more conscious, more active mentally and emotionally, than a life lived and moved in the direction drawn by the gravity of one’s self confidence.

Aysha said...

Truth is, I cannot agree more! Your writing is very percise, and lean: nothing more, nothing less, than what needs to be said.
Please do not ever refrain from commenting on this blog especially ^_^

Um Naief said...

i also agree w/ anglogermanicamerican.... quite interesting way of putting things.

do you think that one can become consumed w/ doubt.... wavering one way or another but never being able to attain anything true in life because of it? or is doubt that "key" in their life... searching for a way to overcome.... always trying to reach above it. does then, doubt, become life, and their search and meaning is meant to be consumed w/ doubt.... only w/ doubt do they learn??

not sure if i made the point exactly as i wanted.... hope so. :)

Aysha said...

um naief,
You sure did make your point clear! And I loved where your stream of thought was going. You left me with this "it is all about what we define life to be."
Let me go astray with this. During the journey of bringing up a child, it is hard to adjust sometimes to their constant needs. At times we would grow tense and uptight because we are with them, yet the meter of time is counting the hours lost without us doing something useful like writing, reading, or working. Just thinking this way, means that we are marginalizing and throwing away a large portion of important time, a time that IS work and IS productive. By defining it as "loss" it becomes a true loss, but had we thought about it as part of the gain and the meter, it would have reflected better on us and our interaction with them.

Um Naief said...

yes, very true. i find myself thinking the same way w/ the baby. i find myself lingering in doubt at times.

interesting, i read something last night about doubt. as an american and being in the workforce there for so many years, i find that many companies like to train employees to be doubtful as a way of maintaining that force behind what is being accomplished and as a way of pushing one employee against another... so one is constantly in a stream of doubt and guilt even. guilty of not performing up to par, guilty of doing better than a friend or fellow employee... it's as though life isn't difficult enough w/out the world putting these strains on our daily lives.

but again... i do agree w/ you and find myself doubting myself and what i'm doing or if i'm doing it right and so on and so forth. :)

i love your blog. makes me think a lot...